Third Time's the Charm?

After several months of healing, waiting, and praying, we're ready to try our third round of IVF.

As a quick overview for those who are just tuning in to our journey, Round 1 was unsuccessful, as the embryo never successfully stayed attached to the uterine wall. Round 2 was considered "successful," as for two fleeting weeks, Bre was considered pregnant. However, things went south and we did officially experience a miscarriage.

Unlike the first attempt where we just needed to reset the medicine cycle and try again, the miscarriage took a whole lot more time for Bre to recover physically. It took nearly two months for her body to fully clear the fetus and lining following the pregnancy. But now, nearly nine months later, we're ready to get back in the saddle.

The next IVF transfer is scheduled for Tuesday, December 20 (five days from the posting of this update). It will be the same thing as last time; we'll drive the two hours to our clinic in Columbia, MO, Bre will have the procedure done, and we drive back home, where she'll stay bed-ridden for a full 24 hours (or longer). Following that period, we keep her activity to a bare minimum and attempt to keep her stress free for 8 days. A blood test on that final day will determine whether Bre is officially pregnant. But this time is going to look a little different than times past.

This time, we're trying 2 embryos. That's right; there's a chance for twins.

Like with any conventional pregnancy, two embryos does increase the chance for complications with the mother. However, two embryos also significantly increases our chances for one successful, healthy baby. If you're a math person like Chris, you can think of it in this way: for one embryo, there is somewhere around a 70% chance that the transfer is successful. So for this situation, there is a 91% chance we come out after 9 days with at least one baby, a 9% chance we come out completely unsuccessful, and a 49% chance we come out with *gulp* twins.

While the doctors didn't recommend twins for the first few go arounds, they've encouraged this as an option for us as we get further into the IVF journey. While it's weird to talk about human life in a way of numbers and percentages, the chance that we end up with one baby is much higher than if we just tried one embryo. And we are very ready for this time to be successful attempt. This is especially important, because...

Bre and I have made the decision: if this embryo transfer is successful but doesn't go to term, it will likely be our last one.

It's not for lack of material. We still have tons of healthy embryos on ice if we wanted to try again. But as we prepare for the potential emotional turmoil that could come with round 3, we've decided that if this attempt is unsuccessful, we can't put ourselves through the financial woes and the emotional ragging that comes with this process.

Losing your baby sucks. That feels self-explanatory. What isn't as self-explanatory is the feeling of losing your baby when you can't just get up and try again. Every attempt we make in this process costs tens of thousands of dollars, tons of hours of driving and appointments, physical duress on Bre's body that doesn't even know what "normal" feels like anymore, and of course, emotional turmoil when things don't work out. When IVF is the only pregnancy option available, it takes a completely unique toll when it fails.

We're tired of getting our hearts broken. Having to constantly fall in love just to be beaten down multiple times is getting to be too much. Our mentalities at this point are almost void of hope and are more in the direction of guarding our hearts for when we are inevitably hurt again. This journey has sent us both into places of depression. We continue to attempt to rely on God for healing and hope, but the longer this process goes and the more heartbreak we endure, the harder it is to look up and find Him.

So this is it. One more attempt, and we're giving it the best shot we can. Maybe we come out of this with two babies, most likely one baby, but the chance still exists this will be totally unsuccessful. And even if we get past that ninth day and Bre is deemed pregnant, there is a palpable and unfortunate reality that our hearts can be broken within the next 9 months.

We'll cross that road when we get to it. For now, could you pray with us? Here are the specific things we'd ask for you to pray for:

1. Obviously, pray the transfer goes smoothly; that the doctors who are doing the procedure have steady hands, that Bre can rest well once the procedure is done, and that we have a positive outcome 9 days later. Also that the impending snowstorm doesn't mess with our travel plans on the 20th.

2. If this doesn't work, or it does work but we get our hearts broken in the first trimester, pray for healing. We are at a place where the pain we feel isn't a pain that can be healed by earthly things; we'll need to rely on our hope in Christ if this third attempt is unsuccessful.

3. Pray for peace in our hearts as we go through this. Like stated before, we're already expecting to fail. That mentality isn't a positive one, and it's not the one we want to have; pray that we can keep our hearts in a hopeful place. The less stressed we are, the better (physically and emotionally).

Thanks so much for going down this road with us. Though we hate to ask again, we do want to extend the opportunity to help us financially as we go through this venture. While we have the help of incredible parents that are assisting us for the procedure itself, there are still several costs associated with medicines, appointments, and travel to-and-from the clinic. You can find out how to help us financially by clicking here.

Thanks for your support and prayers to this point. We're so thankful for the people who love us. Please continue to love us hard...we're going to need it, one way or the other. Hopefully our next update is one about happy and healthy baby Yinglett(s).